The Sampler

It might be because I teach middle school. I'm really not sure of the reason, but I am a hopeless germaphobe. I wash my hands before every meal. I don't touch doorknobs unless absolutely necessary, and I try to steer clear of 6th grade boys after PE...okay, even before PE.

I tell you this in order to shed light on the gravity of my misfortune today. I was at Whole Foods, one of my favorite places on earth. I circled the store, taking in samples of cereal, chips, fruit, and salmon burgers before landing at the chicken kabob table. There, I found an assortment of chicken kabobs basted and seasoned in any number of herbs and spices. If I remember correctly, there were four choices. I politely reached for a toothpick and began to sample each of the delectable varieties. I closed my eyes and looked toward heaven as I savored each and every delicious bite. I then engaged in a conversation with the young lady manning the booth and even pretended I was interested in purchasing (yea, right) one of the selections. I smiled and nodded and discretely scanned the perimeter of the table in search of a place to discard my toothpick while she explained each of the options. Only then did I notice the fresh pile of toothpicks stacked neatly in a basket...but not the basket from which I had chosen my toothpick. No, my basket was a bit messier. That's right, apparently I chose my toothpick from the TRASH PILE!

Reliving the horror with you just made me to throw up in my mouth a little bit.

This happened nearly three hours ago, and I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. I have had shortness of breath, I'm quite sure I have a rash or some other contagious disease, and I might even be pregnant. I could have any manner of medical conditions because everyone knows what kind of germs can be spread through a twice used toothpick sampler. I don't think even Whole Foods has a pill for this.